Just arrived in Bangalore

It has been several months since this blog got an entry. And well, I guess there are no readers left either. But alas, I will still write to ressurrect this blog from the ashes.

Changes in life

My life has changed dramatically since May 2007. The biggest change being in my identity, from a student to an employee. From being dependent to being self-sustaining. Rather ’self-sustaining’ is a weaker word, I could as well have dependents now, ;).

BTech Achieved

The biggest achievement in the past few months has been completing my BTech. Honors degree, which was looking unachievable in April. Though I could not finish the project I was working on, in its totality. Not even to my content or even Jawahar sirs content, or for that matter, even Pramod Sankar content :). It was getting unbearable after May start. First, I was tied down to the legacy of the existing system, which I thought, a re-design would make things better. And then the problem is ‘not having enough power to take major decisions’. This made me drift from the main project to others like iYum, iChat, tv.iiit.ac.in and so on.

Anyways, lets not drift further from the topic. So, finally I achieved the degree, with all requirements met. And an extra topping of 8 extra credits completed apart from the ‘BTech Honors’ degree with a 8.57/10 CGPA. Not really very impressive like IV or Nikita, but still a respectable total for a player like me. Yeah, I could have got into 9+ if I was more focussed on ’scoring’ rather than doing all random stuff. Or if I have ‘real talent’ like IV, no study all fun but still manages an outstanding CG. (CGPA = Cumulative Grade Point Average).

The Yahoo! experience

Thanks to Yahoo!, my life has changed now. The Yahoo! experience has changed a lot of things in me. Now, at lot of the times, I ’search.yahoo.com’ instead of ‘Google’ for things. And well, it turns out, its just ‘cult branding’ that keeps Google above Yahoo! (at least in search services).

The atmosphere in the Yahoo! EGL office is nice and cool. People talk to each other casually, and I haven’t heard anyone raise voices, yet! My work is pretty less these days as I am just getting to know the old system and so on. Though my honeymoon (training period) is over, but I am still on vacation, lol.

Old friends parting

Well, for the first time Indore feels viraan. My dear buddy Tapan left Indore some days back. So, the central headquarters of our group has been relocated to USA, ;). Rahul is also in Indore till September something. And Anni is enjoying ‘his’ kind of life in college. He has been facing hard times since his breakup, but now his life is beginning to stabilize again. But you can’t be sure when its Anni, hehe.

Tanu as usual has been there. She keeps getting angry with me sometimes, but thats ok. What option do I have, I am an employee now, and need to answer to my manager and not Pramod, hehe. She will be looking for internship soon. Hope she gets a nice opportunity in some reputed agency.

Riya. This word has been like stuck with me since we ever talked. I really really wish someone just goes and stabs her or something, or comes and tells me that she is gone forever. She is wierd, she doesn’t need me. She still wants to hold on to me, just a hook around my neck, so she can pull it whenever she finds time out of her friends, colleagues, best friends, family, Glenn and so on. But I wish to be free, and so I have decided to cut her out of my life. I hope she just lets go and I am set free.

New friends at Yahoo!

Its not all sad sad in here. This new place has a lot of scope for new people to jump into my life. And well some of them have already come in. The most prominent ones being Deepak and Rishu. Oh come on, why do you keep cribbing that you got to have some ‘girl friends’? Well, I don’t generally discriminate much, a good understanding companion is all I need, how does their gender matter? Though we haven’t hung out as such, but spending 9 hours every day 5 days a week together at office is a huge thing. More than I would get to spend time with my girlfriend if I had one in Bangalore.

Deepak is a cool guy, more like me. Always having fun, talking in a desi tone, though he is responsible and hard working too. He keeps working in the ops team for like hours, even after work. Rishu is a ’sophisticated guy’, thats what I could infer. He is good at technology and fashion and pubs and stuff. We’re planning to create some cool things in our free time, apart from work. Lets see how it turns out. Well, I am not the dancing-drinking-going-to-pubs-n-discs kind of a guy, but still I am looking forward to a good friend in Rishu.

There are other colleagues in my office like Rahul, Puneet, Vinod, Amar, Santosh, Poonam, Mangesh, Abhishek and so on. And some others in MG road like Rohan, Smita and Sravanti. These people are good too, and I keep talking to them when life permits and when they feel like giving me time.

I noticed an air of ‘informality’ in Yahoo! life, people talk casually and generally have low ego, or at least potray to have it such. But, in terms of what to create and all, they focus more on ‘planning, reviewing, computing the revenue and the risk’ rather than just listening to instincts and making things. Maybe its right too. If its for one person, he/she can listen to ‘instinctive decisions’, but for a big company like Yahoo!, this is the right way. But it conflicts with my way of thinking, just a personal opinion.

And the old buggers still there

Well, thats not all, the old buggers from IIIT still haunting my life, :). I got a home with Bhavik and Sumeet. Well, as Neeraj puts it, friendship is another thing and becoming someone roomie is another. Its fun to live in the new home, but sometimes it feels irritating to hear about ‘this is your house too, so you should also do this do that’. Sometimes I wish I tell them that if its my house too, then let me live a little in my own way too. At weekends, its a fun place. All the friends from IIIT and beyond gather at a place and have a blast.

Sheharwasi aka Neeraj has also joined me in this new city. This guy has shared the same city with me all his life, be it Indore, Hyderabad or Bangalore. And well, he is a good friend, fun loving and easy going. And sometimes I hang out at his place for dominos and related issues. Rahul Mangla also lives with him, but you must be knowing how these Delhites are. Ravindranath Thakur aka Bokaro also keep visiting sometimes. Other frequent buggers include Sukesh, Amit, Gopal and friends.

Loneliness

Well, Aquarians are supposed to be deep thinkers, so I tend to be one. This new city Bangalore has so many people, almost over-crowded. I have almost the biggest circle of friends one could expect to have in a city in this short span on one month. But still, it feels a bit lonely here. There is no one here to speak my heart out to. I wish Tanu or Tapan or Ullu or someone was here. Yeah, Tanu keeps talking on phone, but no one can actually see me, and understand how I feel.

At times my personality splits into two. When someone talks to me, I am two people there. One is the guy ‘Anurag’ listening to that person, looking straight into the eye. Another is this second ‘Anurag’ who is looking at both of us, and smiling that what the hell is Anurag doing. He is smiling about the fact that how Anurag has changed. How he has grown into someone who can listen to such people like a credit card marketing person explaining details or a team leader explaining the details of the project. The second Anurag feels ‘Anurag’ is not eligible to be a part of all this. He is a simple sweet child, who wants to fly and play around, and not get involved in serious stuff like this. But then, I try hard to keep myself confined to the first Anurag that people know. The Anurag who has been good at work, who has passed a BTech degree, who can do wonders, who can take up responsibility and so on. There is no place for the innocent second Anurag, who is hesitant, who is not perfect at anything, who is introverted and shy, who is just a small child. But still, he keeps showing up.

Conclusion

Well, thats pretty much it from my side. This weekend hasn’t been much fun except the pizzas and movies and BC and driving. Lets see how the coming days look like. I am planning a home visit on Diwali, in November. And yeah, I got my first salary too, so its party time in Bangalore. Take care. Ciao.

Disclaimer : The facts, opinions and ideas expressed in this post are completely my personal. They don’t represent any organisation, group of individuals or any individual other than me. 

Google ad

Tanu made an ad/poster for Google as her assignment. She says its just a concept. I really liked it, so here it is for you to view it. [ Click to enlarge ]

My world

I thought lets draw how my world looks like. This is a rough draft, if am more free than today, I’ll make an elaborated one too.

Can you see some peculiarity? Is there any boundary between me and the entities in the innermost rectangle? Do you see the boundary of the white square? Or rather, do you see a white square in the middle? It is to say that well, I don’t know if there is a boundary for those close people too, its all what you perceive. (Thats what we’re learning in cognitive science by the way)

So how is the thought?

FAQ :

1. Why is the image not so fundoo?

Ans. Its made in MS Paint. With the limited functionality, (and limited time ) this is what I could do.

2. Whats happening to TV.IIIT.AC.IN ?

Ans. Its going to be up soon. My BTP and a few pending projects are coming in between. Almost everything is ready, if someone is ready to do some mechanical labour for me, I can make it working in two days.

Live in reality

If we put on pink colored glasses, everything looks pink. If its just momentary, then we remember whats reality. But then, if we keep them on for like two days, we might start thinking that the world is pink. Its only when the rosy glasses come out that you see the reality. Its not that the reality is worse than the rosy world. There are more colors in the real world per say. So, there are advantages and disadvantages.

Last month, I sneaked out for a movie in office hours. I thought that all people have been so good to me. So no one will bother if I took a little break. But I had broken rules. Immediately the HR manager called me up and asked me to return. That day one of the rosy glasses got shattered. I came to the realities of working in a company. That day I was very angry with her, but then today I realize that its better to remain in senses that to go into the rosy world and then shatter it.

Every person is different in their own way. And everyone has a certain opinion towards you. Everyone has a degree of closeness to you, from either side. Everyone has some things which are their own. Some people come so close that there is nothing hidden. Whereas in some other cases, a person maintains a protective canopy around him/her so that we can’t go beyond it.

If we keep living with a world in which all people are very close to you, you expect that everyone of them will tell you everything. But we’re not some colgate packets made in bulk. Every human is designed in a unique way. Having high expectations, and having expectations beyond a limit can be really dangerous. Not only can it lead to quarrel but it will then shatter your rosy glasses. This time its not just removing them, but shattering them, so that the glass pieces pierce your eyes and blood starts dripping.

Maybe you’ll feel I am sad or angry. But I am actually relieved. I’ve managed to survive after something similar happened to me. And now, I swear I’ll never leave the reality. I’ll not fall for fancy looking words. I’ll stick to hard facts. I’ll live in this real world. Maybe its bad, harsh, rude or anything. Maybe there is loneliness, sadness, pain. But at least I know its for real.

Past one month

I've been 'offline' on my blog since long now. Almost a complete month it has been. Most of the month has been nice, happy, exciting, some days were like in the dreamland. A few of the days have been depressing, sad, irritating too, not many though. Where should I begin from?

I kept longing to write a good entry many times in the past one month. Most of those ideas/memories/events have become blurred in my memory now.

I reached Bhopal on 14th evening by Dakshin Express after a kind of long and tiring journey. I was happy that I had got the upper berth in the train. Suddenly some middle-aged man asked me to vacate it as it was his seat. I told him that it was mine, and in confirmation told him my seat number, and correspondingly the number printed beside my berth. Ooops… amazingly the sequence was a little wrong, and my seat number was printed beside the middle berth. I, reluctantly moved down. It was only after two hours that I realized that my seat number was actually printed beside the upper berth, but was occluded from view, damn!

It was nice in Bhopal. If only I didn't have the SE assignment to submit in the evening, it would have been better. I had to rush to a cyber cafe to submit, and so, it was too late to go out anywhere, except for dinner. People (especially my Mami) were 'excited' to see me in a moustache. I didn't like it at all, I just grew it because mami asked me to. The very next morning I left for Dewas.

It was wedding time at Piyush's place. Pinky di was getting married. Almost all day I spent at his place, helping in doing some stuff, and just enjoying most of the time. There were some really nice girls too there. But I didn't know who all were his sisters and who all were friends, so …. hehe. Anyways, on 18th, I went to Indore, met Tapan and taught Tanu about some HTML and Java. She kept on sounding scared and confused till late in the night. I returned around midnight.

On 20th, Pinky di got married. To confess, am actually confused about the name of the bridegroom, Sameer, I guess. Anyways, it was fun there, got a little shouting from mom for overusing our car in the marriage. She doesn't understand much about the 'friendship' kind of relations. Her 'domain' in just 'family and family and family'. I realized that its not possible to change her outlook however much I argue, protest, give example and counter arguments.

I was reading about this too, I mean the opinion clash between the parents and children. I read that in these growing years, the child is making a new personality of his own. At that time, he/she needs a lot of freedom and privacy. Obviously his is going to be a new personality. Though the child is supposed to be 'derived' from the parents, he/she is a new individual, and the opinions, ideas, ways of doing things, the morals and ideals are bound to differ. The parent doesn't understand that their child is a 'different individual' and the child doesn't understand that the parent is 'already made' personality and it wont be possible to mould him now. I guess some flexibility from both sides is the solution. The parent should try to accomodate the 'new person' in their framework and the child should try to blend well with the 'already made' framework.

Coming back, I got an offer to do an internship in KrikalSolutions around 22 April. I hadn't planned for an internship in summers. I was 'obediently' going to persue my BTP in the summer. But then, the craze to go to a new city, to work in a new environment, to work on something other than my BTP, to get an internship listed in my resume, to live alone and independent, to see Delhi and Noida was strong enough to motivate me to want this internship. There wasn't much that I could do in order to get it. Somehow, by gods grace, my prayers, Nikhil's 'sifarish', and the goodwill of people at Kritikal, I got into this thing.

The next big target was the pending 'Vision assignment' and a 'permission from Jawahar sir' to go ahead with the internship. I still remember the confidence and certainty he told the professors in the BTP viva meeting that I'd be working on the BTP in the summer and will complete it then and there. Those words kept ringing in my head for long. It was not that I was not eager to fulfil what he had said, but it was a question of choosing one of the them, both being great opportunities. I kept mailing Jawahar sir about every progess in the internship issue. Finally, when I got the internship, Jawahar sir replied saying to go ahead with the internship if I was interested. I was more than delighted that very moment. Seriously, I have to confess, Nikhil's communication skills, at least with Jawahar sir, are zero.

Finally, with much fuss and hassle, a zillion lines of instructions from all elders, a lot of chits about places, paths, phone numbers and other minute details, I landed in Delhi. The company KritikalSolutions is a nice place to be. Just like our CVIT lab. I haven't been here since too long, but it feels great. The project I'm working on is also kind of interesting. Hopefully, I'll be able to contribute in a positive way here and also gain in some positive way from here, its a give and take thing you see.

Delhi and Noida are nice places. I was telling Nikhil and Sumeet that we'd settle in Noida after graduation. Though it has been a little hot these days, and a lot of power cuts too, a lightweight earthquake yesterday and long tiring walks to distant places, it has been fun too. The nice roads, the huge flyways, the metro, the Mc Ds, the Centre Stage Mall, Waves theatre, the gals around, wow!

The best part about the company is the great mess inside. Coke, Mirinda, Maggi, Milk, this, that, anytime! Nikhil keeps hogging something or the other all day. And well, the powercuts haven't left this place untouched either. We were enjoying in the company guest house since a few days, but today we vacated the place. Shifted to a rented room with two beds, a fan, a plug-point and a TV. My god, the other bad thing about Nikhil is TV. I mean, this guy is always pressing some button or the other on the remote. So many movies did I miss just because he couldn't bear the 2 minutes ads, grrr.

Rest is all fine. Just realized that I've to finish the Robotics term paper in two hours, which bears about 40% of weightage of the entire robotics course. God help me. Anyways, for the next two months or so, am in Delhi, enjoying and cribbing, both. I might blog once in a while.

Ciao. 

Poem: Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

I wrote a poem on 24th March. It wasn't for anyone to read, but then lets see, I'll put it up. Mud says the 'meter' is wrong, I didn't even know whats that. The poem isn't great anyway, and might not even have a consistant meaning. It might not even have a meaning at all. But in any case, here it is. My first poem in 2006.

 

Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon,
Saamne hai ek doobta sooraj,
Ek bhayavah see kaalima jaise sabkuch apne andhkar mein dubone lagi hai,
Mein is dardnaak ant ko rokna chahata hoon, lekin mere bas mein kya hai,
Mein to tat ki ret ke samaan ek nirbal vastu bhar hoon,
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

Kashti mein mera meet hai, mera humdum hai,
Kaalima to sab kuch duba degi, sooraj bhee, ret bhee, kashti bhee,
Main ek mook darshak bhar hee to hoon,
Main apni is bebasee par has bhee to nahi sakta, na ro sakta hoon,
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

Humdum se naraaz hoon main, kyon gaya vo kashti lekar akela,
Maine kab kaha tha ki main uska saath chhod doonga,
Main to bas kuch pal reteele manzar ka maza lene gaya tha,
Kyon usne mera intezaar nahi kiya,
Ab mujhse poochta hai ki meri naraazgee ka karan kya hai,
Yeh meri bebasee hee to narazgee bankar hoton par mandaraa rahee hai,
Mera humdum mera hai, main usey takleef mein nahi dekh sakta,
Par main kaalima ko bhee to nahi rok sakta,
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

Mere humdum ki kashti chalee gayi,
Neele samandar mein ojhal ho gayi,
Main aaj bhee intezaar mein hoon uske,
Kaalima ko guzare to zamana ho gaya, par mera man mere humdum kee raah tak raha hai,
Ek chhoti see bacchi mujhe bula rahee hai,
Lekin main isi aas mein hoon ki kaheen koi kashti mein mera humdum ho,
Shayad jo saamne deekh padhti kashti usey lekar aa rahee hai,
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

So, how bad is it?

 

Edit: Some lines added by Sukesh!

Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur tum ho
kashti mein tera hum dum hai, aur tum bebas ho
kinare par bathna teri bebasi nahin, tera darr hai
yeh raat ki kalima nahin, yeh teri nainon ka mail hai
woh bachi ki awaaz nahin, teri aatma ki pukar hai
andhkar se lad kar apne meet ko roshni dikha
us bhule rahi ko apne paas bula
uth bande yehi teri preeksha hai
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

Some by Paggi..

Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur tum ho
Samne jo suraj hai woh dobne ko laliyat hai
Mein khada dekh raha, ek mook darshak hi to hoon
mera mann ikchuk hai is shad to sametne ka
par mein sagar ke is kinare hoon aur suraj us kinare..
jane kaise honge is mann ke arman purre
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur tum ho

And then a really cool one by Nidhi..

Sagar Ka Kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur tum ho
Shopping mal hai, hazarun kapre hai aur tum ho
McDonalds ka sahara hai, ek burger hai aur tum ho
Kitchen ka darwaza hai, ek belen hai aur tum ho
Poem likne main jo ustad hai, ek main aur tum ho 

Missing old days.

Sometimes I’m just sitting idle or standing somewhere and something reminds me of something in the old days (the days when I lived in Indore). Its like, as soon as the thought strikes the brain, the whole scene, the sounds start ringing in my head. And then, its turns into loud harsh sounds and very fierce lights all around. Its something like I have lost something, left a complete world behind me. I want to relive it again. Its not like where I am is bad, but its just that being there was a completely different experience, and those days wont ever return.

Woh kagaz ki kashti … woh baarish ka paani …

Anyways, thats just a small tremor in my ruitine life. Like everyone else, I’ve also forgotten the past and moved on. But then, my mental state is exactly like this song by Celine Dion.

. . . . . When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it’s all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it’s all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it’s all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it’s all coming back to me now . . . . .

And I read another little poem about my Indore somewhere on orkut, and here it is. . . .

Aisa hai mera Indore

Kuch khaas hai Indore,
Sabse pahle to mera Apna hai Indore.
Kal tak indore mein sapne dekhta tha,
Ab Sapne mein Dekhta hoon Indore.
Kuch Khaas hai Indore, Mera Apna Hai Indore.
Nit naye rang leta hai Indore, Bhaur se le kar Saanjh kat jaane kitna roop badalta hain Indore.
Khattee meethee yaad dilata Indore, Dosto se bhari Chatpati Duniya me le jaata hai indore.
Suraj ki keerano ka Sunhara Indore, Har pal mujhe Yaad Aaya hai Indore.
Kuch Khaas hai Mera Apna Indore, ab to ek sapna hai Indore….
Hope I get to live there again!