Daily update 6 Sept ‘07

Oh god, why am I getting so tensed about writing a blog entry? I already have a ‘rejected draft’ for this post! Well well well, just that I saw some ‘readers’. And more readers means more expectations. And more expectations mean more fear. More fear means hesitation. More hesitation means more mistakes. More mistakes means bad output. Bad output means less readers. And so it keeps getting balanced.

Lately, nothing much on my end. We changed the ‘cyber layout’ of our home. Now we have a central internet server, and all computers connect to it using ad-hoc wireless. This means better coverage and connectivity. Speaking of which, I am thinking to change my mobile phone connection. It seems that Reliance Postpaid offers a much better deal that any other postpaid mobile phone at least for STD calls. Hence, I will switch.

Tanu has been keeping ill these days and has been admitted to CHL Apollo. Shes having jaundice, with some index value being 5. She hasn’t been eating much these days, and vomiting since 3 days. Hope she recovers and feels better. Please pray for her.

Nothing much in my life these days. The salary is still ‘un-used’. I am seriously thinking of doing some expenditure planning, so that I can manage my money well. Maybe Sumeet G and Sheharwasi can be of assistance as they have been through it  since a couple of months now.

Ok so readers, this is not a bad post, so keep reading. I will get back soon with more updates. Ciao.

PS: @ Nikhil. Where are you? No information about you. Are you coming to Bangalore or not?

Aag

‘Ramu ki aag’ …. bujh gayi

“Humko bhi AAG ne mara, tumko bhi AAG ne mara,  is AAG ko band karwaado.”
When we try to make tea at home, though its not a very big or significant task, still we take care to put the water first, then the tea leaves, then sugar, then milk and then pour it in cups and serve it while its hot. And yeah, kind of measure each thing before using it. The total cost of making a cup of tea doesn’t exceed like Rs. 20, thats also an exaggerated estimate. Ramu (aka Ram Gopal Varma) made a remake of Sholay. Assuming it costs at least a million times more than a cup of tea, couldn’t he have thought about the whole thing at least ten times more cautiously? At least should have seen how the songs begin in the movie. The scene is going on, and suddenly you see Devagan jumping around Ms. Kothari and woah, did a song just begin out of the blue?

And that new Thakur, even I can rate myself better in dialogue delivery. Comedy sucks, picturization, flow, connectivity.. and so on. There are a few good scenes worth appreciating, like the one when Thakur gets his palm cut, the climax scene, the jay-veeru-ko-gabbar-ke-hawale-kar-do scene. One more thing Ramu could have possibly done was thinking of changing something in the script. Like the new Don movie. That small punch at the end could have made the movie better.

Anyways, still WE SURVIVED IT through and through, lol.

Hey babyy

Nice movie. Good light comedy. Strong impacting emotion. Bearable storyline for a fun based movie. Good picturization. One item number. What else do we need to make an evening with friends lively and happening? Yesterday, we all got this DVD of Hey Babyy and saw it at home. And then a round of BC till 3:30 am. Oh god, I was so sleepy in the morning, got up at 8:30 and reached office only by 10:30, thanks to the great traffic of our new city.

Tanu is a little ill, and I am very very worried for her. Hope she gets better soon. Please pray for her.

I am still sitting in office, working a bit. Though a bit distracted too. Have a nice day. Ciao.

Just arrived in Bangalore

It has been several months since this blog got an entry. And well, I guess there are no readers left either. But alas, I will still write to ressurrect this blog from the ashes.

Changes in life

My life has changed dramatically since May 2007. The biggest change being in my identity, from a student to an employee. From being dependent to being self-sustaining. Rather ’self-sustaining’ is a weaker word, I could as well have dependents now, ;).

BTech Achieved

The biggest achievement in the past few months has been completing my BTech. Honors degree, which was looking unachievable in April. Though I could not finish the project I was working on, in its totality. Not even to my content or even Jawahar sirs content, or for that matter, even Pramod Sankar content :). It was getting unbearable after May start. First, I was tied down to the legacy of the existing system, which I thought, a re-design would make things better. And then the problem is ‘not having enough power to take major decisions’. This made me drift from the main project to others like iYum, iChat, tv.iiit.ac.in and so on.

Anyways, lets not drift further from the topic. So, finally I achieved the degree, with all requirements met. And an extra topping of 8 extra credits completed apart from the ‘BTech Honors’ degree with a 8.57/10 CGPA. Not really very impressive like IV or Nikita, but still a respectable total for a player like me. Yeah, I could have got into 9+ if I was more focussed on ’scoring’ rather than doing all random stuff. Or if I have ‘real talent’ like IV, no study all fun but still manages an outstanding CG. (CGPA = Cumulative Grade Point Average).

The Yahoo! experience

Thanks to Yahoo!, my life has changed now. The Yahoo! experience has changed a lot of things in me. Now, at lot of the times, I ’search.yahoo.com’ instead of ‘Google’ for things. And well, it turns out, its just ‘cult branding’ that keeps Google above Yahoo! (at least in search services).

The atmosphere in the Yahoo! EGL office is nice and cool. People talk to each other casually, and I haven’t heard anyone raise voices, yet! My work is pretty less these days as I am just getting to know the old system and so on. Though my honeymoon (training period) is over, but I am still on vacation, lol.

Old friends parting

Well, for the first time Indore feels viraan. My dear buddy Tapan left Indore some days back. So, the central headquarters of our group has been relocated to USA, ;). Rahul is also in Indore till September something. And Anni is enjoying ‘his’ kind of life in college. He has been facing hard times since his breakup, but now his life is beginning to stabilize again. But you can’t be sure when its Anni, hehe.

Tanu as usual has been there. She keeps getting angry with me sometimes, but thats ok. What option do I have, I am an employee now, and need to answer to my manager and not Pramod, hehe. She will be looking for internship soon. Hope she gets a nice opportunity in some reputed agency.

Riya. This word has been like stuck with me since we ever talked. I really really wish someone just goes and stabs her or something, or comes and tells me that she is gone forever. She is wierd, she doesn’t need me. She still wants to hold on to me, just a hook around my neck, so she can pull it whenever she finds time out of her friends, colleagues, best friends, family, Glenn and so on. But I wish to be free, and so I have decided to cut her out of my life. I hope she just lets go and I am set free.

New friends at Yahoo!

Its not all sad sad in here. This new place has a lot of scope for new people to jump into my life. And well some of them have already come in. The most prominent ones being Deepak and Rishu. Oh come on, why do you keep cribbing that you got to have some ‘girl friends’? Well, I don’t generally discriminate much, a good understanding companion is all I need, how does their gender matter? Though we haven’t hung out as such, but spending 9 hours every day 5 days a week together at office is a huge thing. More than I would get to spend time with my girlfriend if I had one in Bangalore.

Deepak is a cool guy, more like me. Always having fun, talking in a desi tone, though he is responsible and hard working too. He keeps working in the ops team for like hours, even after work. Rishu is a ’sophisticated guy’, thats what I could infer. He is good at technology and fashion and pubs and stuff. We’re planning to create some cool things in our free time, apart from work. Lets see how it turns out. Well, I am not the dancing-drinking-going-to-pubs-n-discs kind of a guy, but still I am looking forward to a good friend in Rishu.

There are other colleagues in my office like Rahul, Puneet, Vinod, Amar, Santosh, Poonam, Mangesh, Abhishek and so on. And some others in MG road like Rohan, Smita and Sravanti. These people are good too, and I keep talking to them when life permits and when they feel like giving me time.

I noticed an air of ‘informality’ in Yahoo! life, people talk casually and generally have low ego, or at least potray to have it such. But, in terms of what to create and all, they focus more on ‘planning, reviewing, computing the revenue and the risk’ rather than just listening to instincts and making things. Maybe its right too. If its for one person, he/she can listen to ‘instinctive decisions’, but for a big company like Yahoo!, this is the right way. But it conflicts with my way of thinking, just a personal opinion.

And the old buggers still there

Well, thats not all, the old buggers from IIIT still haunting my life, :). I got a home with Bhavik and Sumeet. Well, as Neeraj puts it, friendship is another thing and becoming someone roomie is another. Its fun to live in the new home, but sometimes it feels irritating to hear about ‘this is your house too, so you should also do this do that’. Sometimes I wish I tell them that if its my house too, then let me live a little in my own way too. At weekends, its a fun place. All the friends from IIIT and beyond gather at a place and have a blast.

Sheharwasi aka Neeraj has also joined me in this new city. This guy has shared the same city with me all his life, be it Indore, Hyderabad or Bangalore. And well, he is a good friend, fun loving and easy going. And sometimes I hang out at his place for dominos and related issues. Rahul Mangla also lives with him, but you must be knowing how these Delhites are. Ravindranath Thakur aka Bokaro also keep visiting sometimes. Other frequent buggers include Sukesh, Amit, Gopal and friends.

Loneliness

Well, Aquarians are supposed to be deep thinkers, so I tend to be one. This new city Bangalore has so many people, almost over-crowded. I have almost the biggest circle of friends one could expect to have in a city in this short span on one month. But still, it feels a bit lonely here. There is no one here to speak my heart out to. I wish Tanu or Tapan or Ullu or someone was here. Yeah, Tanu keeps talking on phone, but no one can actually see me, and understand how I feel.

At times my personality splits into two. When someone talks to me, I am two people there. One is the guy ‘Anurag’ listening to that person, looking straight into the eye. Another is this second ‘Anurag’ who is looking at both of us, and smiling that what the hell is Anurag doing. He is smiling about the fact that how Anurag has changed. How he has grown into someone who can listen to such people like a credit card marketing person explaining details or a team leader explaining the details of the project. The second Anurag feels ‘Anurag’ is not eligible to be a part of all this. He is a simple sweet child, who wants to fly and play around, and not get involved in serious stuff like this. But then, I try hard to keep myself confined to the first Anurag that people know. The Anurag who has been good at work, who has passed a BTech degree, who can do wonders, who can take up responsibility and so on. There is no place for the innocent second Anurag, who is hesitant, who is not perfect at anything, who is introverted and shy, who is just a small child. But still, he keeps showing up.

Conclusion

Well, thats pretty much it from my side. This weekend hasn’t been much fun except the pizzas and movies and BC and driving. Lets see how the coming days look like. I am planning a home visit on Diwali, in November. And yeah, I got my first salary too, so its party time in Bangalore. Take care. Ciao.

Disclaimer : The facts, opinions and ideas expressed in this post are completely my personal. They don’t represent any organisation, group of individuals or any individual other than me. 

Hello…. come back….

Yesterday I was talking to Tanu about something relating to how a person can remain stable and well-balanced and calm and all. (I am not claiming that I am any of these, but whats the problem in giving phokat ki edhvaaees. So I told her about how I think about my childhood, schooling, college life, friends and her. After that we simply said bye and got back to work/sleep, etc.

In the dream last night, I saw my school’s vice-principal Mr. Dixit and a lot of my classmates, a girl from commerce section that I still can’t remember the name of and my grandma’s village house. Everyone was looking so so realistic with such great detail of their faces as if I remember them perfectly and I met them very recently. I could even see the pupils of the girl’s eye, which I guess were similar to the actual ones (though the ones when I used to ’see’ her in school, no pun intended).

I mean, here we are not talking about the girl, so come out of that. I am saying that, what a wonderful thing our subconscious mind is. Just because I was thinking about the old memories, it played an old tape from its archives for me, in the dream. And well, it wasnt an old tape playing, rather it animated a fresh scene for me using all the information it stored, back then. Ok fine, the whole ‘greatness’ of subconscious isn’t very useful for any practical uses, but just a thought.

—-

I’ve been reading a lot about booting, MBR, partition tables, filesystems, kernel, init, NTFS, FAT, LBA, CHS, ext3, WinFS, and what not. Most of it is circling around Operating Systems. Someone just shake me up and tell me to do VISION. I need to finish up my BTP for presentation tomorrow. And I haven’t reached a level yet. Anyways, this was just a quick update from me. Will keep you posted.

Oh, and totally forgot to mention this. I have decided to drop plans for attempting GRE. I am now going to get fully dedicated on my BTP, courses and the placements too. I hope I get somewhere decent. I could aim high, but I don’t want to get REALLY disappointed at the end, so I’ll just say for the time being that any decent ‘paying’ company would do. YES, anyone which pays good enough.

And please don’t ask, will you do a job in Microsoft? YES I’ll do it. Just because I ‘like’ ‘using’ Linux doesn’t make me not eligible for working in a company which pays overwhelmingly high. I’ll do anything for money,

Ciao.

Tagged??

I don’t know whats TAGGING or TAGGED and stuff. I was just reading Sumeet’s blog and saw that he was tagged or something. And I saw that at the end he has TAGGED me. I went and asked him the whole funda. So, according to him, I am supposed to answer this questionaire and forward it to someone else. Here it goes…
1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on a random page and find random line..

Do you remember when you bought, or comtemplated buying, a new car?
Word Power Made Easy by Norman Lewis
(Yeah, am trying to try to mug up some words…lol)
2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can

Just got my room cleaned…. a lotta free space in here…

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

The song ‘No way no way’ from ‘Anthony kaun hai?’ on MTV

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?

11:40 AM

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

11:56 AM … wow!! I am so bad at remembering time… just saw the watch before taking this questionaire.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Nothing! The wing is unusually calm!! :O

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Went to brush at 10 AM. Am soooooo lazy hehehe.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

I looked at my monitor and the lovely ‘wallpaper’ on it

9. What are you wearing?

Shorts and T shirt

10. Did you dream last night?

I dreamt that I was chatting with my dad… which has happened like only twice in this whole lifetime till now..!!

11. When did you last laugh?

Don’t remember… been a lil sad these days

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Dead bodies of insects… some marks left by the tapes that were stuck… cracks …. just removed all my posters and all….

13. Seen anything weird lately?

Well… cant even think of anything wierd… wierd isn’t it?

14. What do u think of this quiz?

Quiz? Is it a quiz? Its more like an interview

15. What is the Last film u saw?

Omkara …. the a-shade-less-than-DVD print… with ok ok video and crappy audio x-(

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?

I dunno… I need a bike and a Ford Icon… and maybe build another floor for my home… and surely wanna help some needy ppl.. dunno how

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.

Well… Sumeet… you know almost everything… :).. and I wont tell you the rest of the ‘details’ .. nice try

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I wanna have a world without the border disputes between India and Pakistan…

19. Do you like to dance?

Like to… well thats tricky… YEAH I do.. But you see am not a professional dancer.. or rather not even a dancer… so I prefer doing it in private

20. George Bush

Screwed the world.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

I’ve already thought about it.. I’ll call her Mahfooza…. hopefully… if my wife agrees too
Mahfooza Rana wont go… so maybe we’ll come up with something else

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Never imagined that… !! .. it’ll be a gal.. come on

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yeah why not… I’d love to. I mean I don’t have these ‘principles’ that I’ll live in India and stuff. But then I might feel homesick and return..

24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

I don’t think there is anything like that. Everything that IS is just in this world.

25. People who may do this memo in their journal.

Didn’t get the question. But if you mean people who take this quiz… then … well.. who have a lil time to spend outta their busy schedules

So, thats it, now my turn to TAG!! Wow!… I don’t even know how many people will actually read it and reply to tag or whatever you call it. So here is my list (skipping people who have been tagged by Sumeet)

IV … lets see what the bond has to write … AAAAAAIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Hari puttar lets see what paaji writes… …

Pati … ok this one is a brave attempt… awaiting acceptence

Gokool lets see what are the ‘optimists’ thoughts

Beegle …. something techno expected

Ok fine.. as instructed.. I’ve put Five people on the TAG list. Ohh, and here are some specially invited/tagged

Gautam …. the coolant guy …. would love to know what he would answer… hey gimme the link to your blog

and last but not the least ….

Nidhi …. lets see how a PROFESSIONAL would reply

Ok thats it for this time. Am busy trying to study for GRE as you all know. Shamefully hopelessly failing to do so though, but I’ll keep trying. Rest in another post, and I promise wont delay it a lot.

Ciao.

My world

I thought lets draw how my world looks like. This is a rough draft, if am more free than today, I’ll make an elaborated one too.

Can you see some peculiarity? Is there any boundary between me and the entities in the innermost rectangle? Do you see the boundary of the white square? Or rather, do you see a white square in the middle? It is to say that well, I don’t know if there is a boundary for those close people too, its all what you perceive. (Thats what we’re learning in cognitive science by the way)

So how is the thought?

FAQ :

1. Why is the image not so fundoo?

Ans. Its made in MS Paint. With the limited functionality, (and limited time ) this is what I could do.

2. Whats happening to TV.IIIT.AC.IN ?

Ans. Its going to be up soon. My BTP and a few pending projects are coming in between. Almost everything is ready, if someone is ready to do some mechanical labour for me, I can make it working in two days.

I hate “The Da Vinci Code”

The movie

Big banner, big publicity, big controversy and for me, a big failure. Yes, yesterday night I saw the much awaited, sure-shot success movie The Da Vinci Code. I hadn't read the book. Some of the parts were quite understandable and nice. But then, as time passed, it failed to generate interest to continue watching it. The whole thing boiled down to a man getting killed and passing a secret Grail to his grand-daughter. And as usual, some evil/hidden elements trying to stop her and kill her in this whole drama. Even Tom Hanks failed to infuse any life in the movie. I confess (and its not an exaggeration) that I slept (deep in sleep) for the last 30 minutes of the movie, waken up only by the roar of people getting up and leaving. Nikhil said that it is better and more understandable for those who read the book. My suggestion, either watch X Men III or read the book word by word and then only dare to see this movie.

Missing IIIT

I am missing my college like anything. In the first year when I arrived, it was like I left my school, oh my great school. The college was some alien place which I thought I could never belong to. But, after these 3 years of living there, am really attached to the place, and all my friends and other people there. Every morning I come to office and see that Hyderabad is cooler than New Delhi. This makes me more and more tempted to go there. Hope that day comes soon.

Grades

Amazingly my grades have been nice in the past couple of semesters. Most subjects like PR, DIP, Networks, MoMM, Compilers and so on have shown nice results and I am very happy about it. Hope I get good grades in the projects which I took in those semesters. I am returning to Indore on 1st July by Intercity Express. I'll be reaching Hyderabad on 5th evening.

GRE fever

I badly want to prepare for GRE but I am not getting the mood and the time to do so. The available dates for GRE are 22nd, 23rd and 25th of August and all days from Monday to Thursday in the month of September. My mid-semester examination will also be beginning on 28th of August. I am really confused about which date to choose. I also need to find out whether I can give it once or twice. After October, the course of GRE is being changed. As a result, I need to attempt it before that. Lets see what happens. Anyone knows if we attempt it twice, do we get the score as the maximum of the two or the average of the two? A lot of decisions depend on the answer to this question.

At present, I am working in the company. I have a presentation on 2nd June. Hopefully I'll finish work by then. Wish me luck. Have a nice day!

Ciao.

First time

Tension mat le mamu, life mein bahut see cheezen first time hoti hai ..!!

Well, as you people know, its 20th May, Alvy aka Snopy aka Dodo's birthday. You might not expect this, but we met for the first time in this life ever 'Today'. She asked me to meet her at PVR Priyas (a place in Delhi) where she had decided to meet some of her friends to kind of celebrate her birthday. I hadn't gone to a pub or a disc ever in my life. She also knew that, and very proudly announced to the rest of her friends. Her friends were all switched off kinda, maybe not interested in me (me as in such a boring seedha sa person). Anyways, Alvy was nice and friendly and made me feel comfortable.

She took us to some pub/restaurant called TJI Fridays. The ambience was nice there. Very nice and comfortable place as she had told me. I wasn't too hungry and also not willing to have any alcohol. So, I just had some kind of juice she chose for me. I gave her the greeting card and a small humble gift which I had got for her and she was more than delighted, I guess. After that she took us to a 'disc' called RPM. Wow, RPM is my favorite word, lol. Anyways, the disc was all crowded and stuffed up to the brim. There was smoke all around, and besides that, I am a really bad dancer, actually I am not a dancer at all. Anyways, I tried to keep pace with Alvy's moves. She kept talking a little bit in that noisy place, though it was difficult. After some time, she left the place. We wandered there for a while gasping for free air.

The evening has been nice here. It began to rain as we reached here. By the time we reached our room, we were completely soaked. We quickly changed and had dinner. Now, I am sitting in the office, writing this blog. I might work on my project, or just check mail and return. All in all, the day was pretty nice, and it was great to meet Alvy. And I must admit, I actually wanted to stay in the disc for a little more time.

Have a nice Sunday. Ciao. 

Today

Wow! Nice day it has been today. No work all day! I finally shifted to the new place which was quite an unpleasant experience. Maybe thats how life is. I mean, it reminds me of the SBI card advertisement. Jo dikhta hai, vahee milta hai. We were told that the room is generally cool all the time and there is power supply all the time. There is a TV and two beds, and we can go in and out anytime. There are a lot of bathrooms and toilets, and generally there wont be any issues about them.

When we shifted, the problems began immediately. The fan was throwing hot air blows and there were no windows either. We didn't pay much attention to all that and quickly got ready to go out for dinner, as it was already very late. At 12, we didn't find any shop where we could have dinner. Finally, we managed to get inside a restaurant called 'second floor' or something. The restaurant was actually on the 'second floor'. When we saw the menu, we remembered the latest Amir Khan ad of Coca Cola where he has become Chinese and demands 'Thanda Samosa'. Everything in the menu was above 170 and at least beyond what we could afford to afford. Finally, we decided to have some Chicken Biryani (Rs. 200). Still not satisfied, we consumed a cup of chocolate icrecream each and finally reached the room. Oops! No water! There was actually no water! After walking for about 1.5 kms, I was very thirsty. But, we had to sleep without water.

We increased the TV volume a little, and as we were not told that there were 'neighbours' who wouldn't let us see TV in the night, we had the third blow to our faith in the room facilities. In the night at about 3-4 AM, the power supply went out. As a result, we had to sleep in dark without any fans and even without any window! Even after so much, I woke up at 9:30 AM, thanks to my cell phone whose alarm was on 'Silent'.

We got ready somehow and rushed to the company where I had the first drops of water since the 'second floor' episode. Rest of the day was kind of fine. I went out for a few hours in the middle of work to the Centre Stage mall with a friend. In the evening, amazingly Snopy aka Alvy came online after a zillion centuries. She was amazed to find out that I was in Noida. We exchanged our cell numbers, and she invited me to, or rather asked me to join her on her birthday. Its quite far actually, I mean the date. Lets see, we'll talk and fix up some timing. She is quite excited to actually see me 'aamne saamne'. She'll be disappointed though, because I'm generally calm and quiet in person, almost opposite to what I am online. And besides that, these problematic facilities have made me all the more irritated and sad. Lets see whats in store.

I've to work hard this evening because I didn't work in the afternoon. I guess I'll be here till late. Lets see what happens. You take care.

Ciao. 

Past one month

I've been 'offline' on my blog since long now. Almost a complete month it has been. Most of the month has been nice, happy, exciting, some days were like in the dreamland. A few of the days have been depressing, sad, irritating too, not many though. Where should I begin from?

I kept longing to write a good entry many times in the past one month. Most of those ideas/memories/events have become blurred in my memory now.

I reached Bhopal on 14th evening by Dakshin Express after a kind of long and tiring journey. I was happy that I had got the upper berth in the train. Suddenly some middle-aged man asked me to vacate it as it was his seat. I told him that it was mine, and in confirmation told him my seat number, and correspondingly the number printed beside my berth. Ooops… amazingly the sequence was a little wrong, and my seat number was printed beside the middle berth. I, reluctantly moved down. It was only after two hours that I realized that my seat number was actually printed beside the upper berth, but was occluded from view, damn!

It was nice in Bhopal. If only I didn't have the SE assignment to submit in the evening, it would have been better. I had to rush to a cyber cafe to submit, and so, it was too late to go out anywhere, except for dinner. People (especially my Mami) were 'excited' to see me in a moustache. I didn't like it at all, I just grew it because mami asked me to. The very next morning I left for Dewas.

It was wedding time at Piyush's place. Pinky di was getting married. Almost all day I spent at his place, helping in doing some stuff, and just enjoying most of the time. There were some really nice girls too there. But I didn't know who all were his sisters and who all were friends, so …. hehe. Anyways, on 18th, I went to Indore, met Tapan and taught Tanu about some HTML and Java. She kept on sounding scared and confused till late in the night. I returned around midnight.

On 20th, Pinky di got married. To confess, am actually confused about the name of the bridegroom, Sameer, I guess. Anyways, it was fun there, got a little shouting from mom for overusing our car in the marriage. She doesn't understand much about the 'friendship' kind of relations. Her 'domain' in just 'family and family and family'. I realized that its not possible to change her outlook however much I argue, protest, give example and counter arguments.

I was reading about this too, I mean the opinion clash between the parents and children. I read that in these growing years, the child is making a new personality of his own. At that time, he/she needs a lot of freedom and privacy. Obviously his is going to be a new personality. Though the child is supposed to be 'derived' from the parents, he/she is a new individual, and the opinions, ideas, ways of doing things, the morals and ideals are bound to differ. The parent doesn't understand that their child is a 'different individual' and the child doesn't understand that the parent is 'already made' personality and it wont be possible to mould him now. I guess some flexibility from both sides is the solution. The parent should try to accomodate the 'new person' in their framework and the child should try to blend well with the 'already made' framework.

Coming back, I got an offer to do an internship in KrikalSolutions around 22 April. I hadn't planned for an internship in summers. I was 'obediently' going to persue my BTP in the summer. But then, the craze to go to a new city, to work in a new environment, to work on something other than my BTP, to get an internship listed in my resume, to live alone and independent, to see Delhi and Noida was strong enough to motivate me to want this internship. There wasn't much that I could do in order to get it. Somehow, by gods grace, my prayers, Nikhil's 'sifarish', and the goodwill of people at Kritikal, I got into this thing.

The next big target was the pending 'Vision assignment' and a 'permission from Jawahar sir' to go ahead with the internship. I still remember the confidence and certainty he told the professors in the BTP viva meeting that I'd be working on the BTP in the summer and will complete it then and there. Those words kept ringing in my head for long. It was not that I was not eager to fulfil what he had said, but it was a question of choosing one of the them, both being great opportunities. I kept mailing Jawahar sir about every progess in the internship issue. Finally, when I got the internship, Jawahar sir replied saying to go ahead with the internship if I was interested. I was more than delighted that very moment. Seriously, I have to confess, Nikhil's communication skills, at least with Jawahar sir, are zero.

Finally, with much fuss and hassle, a zillion lines of instructions from all elders, a lot of chits about places, paths, phone numbers and other minute details, I landed in Delhi. The company KritikalSolutions is a nice place to be. Just like our CVIT lab. I haven't been here since too long, but it feels great. The project I'm working on is also kind of interesting. Hopefully, I'll be able to contribute in a positive way here and also gain in some positive way from here, its a give and take thing you see.

Delhi and Noida are nice places. I was telling Nikhil and Sumeet that we'd settle in Noida after graduation. Though it has been a little hot these days, and a lot of power cuts too, a lightweight earthquake yesterday and long tiring walks to distant places, it has been fun too. The nice roads, the huge flyways, the metro, the Mc Ds, the Centre Stage Mall, Waves theatre, the gals around, wow!

The best part about the company is the great mess inside. Coke, Mirinda, Maggi, Milk, this, that, anytime! Nikhil keeps hogging something or the other all day. And well, the powercuts haven't left this place untouched either. We were enjoying in the company guest house since a few days, but today we vacated the place. Shifted to a rented room with two beds, a fan, a plug-point and a TV. My god, the other bad thing about Nikhil is TV. I mean, this guy is always pressing some button or the other on the remote. So many movies did I miss just because he couldn't bear the 2 minutes ads, grrr.

Rest is all fine. Just realized that I've to finish the Robotics term paper in two hours, which bears about 40% of weightage of the entire robotics course. God help me. Anyways, for the next two months or so, am in Delhi, enjoying and cribbing, both. I might blog once in a while.

Ciao. 

Yesterday

What a busy day was yesterday! Its aftermaths can be felt by me even today. There were no classes as such yesterday, happy Ugadi/Gudi padwa to everyone! I really don't know much about this new year, all I know is that we get to eat nice dishes when we're at home. Unfortunately, we're not.

Anyways, so yesterday I had to complete and submit the postponed BTP progress report 3. The day began lazily at about 10 AM, thanks to the late night random browsing. I somehow couldn't get into a mood to work. I just kept on trying to begin, but in vain. Finally, at 3:00 PM, I decided to take brunch in the canteen, and took a few blank sheets with me. Amazingly the mild breeze and the clear skies helped my thoughts flow and I was done with a rough draft of the report on paper (first time ever have I written a rough draft on paper, generally its all electronic). It was soon typed down and modified to complete the report.

I submitted the report and asked Neeraj and Meghna to accompany me for jogging. It was almost eight when I ended the exercises, and collapsed in the canteen. Literally collapsed. I was really really really tired, had some juice and back to the hostel. I had a Computer Vision test at 9:30 PM, and I hadn't begun studying. Even then, I decided to take a shower first. I began reading at 8:45 PM, not panicking basically, but I couldn't grasp a lot in the short span (others were preparing since post lunch!).

As soon as I saw the paper, I said to myself that I'm screwed. I was reading the first question and the book (the test was open book!) for about 30 minutes or so, and couldn't figure out a thing. The second question was easy and mechnical, everyone did it. The last (4th) question was more of creativity and imagination, so I thought about some wierd imaginative solution and scribbled it down. Finally, I came to the third question, and it was then that suddenly mom called. Oops! In the middle of the exam. I cancelled it. Then Riya called. Oops again! I figured out some solution from the book, wrote an answer and was about to leave. Sukesh asked me which direction to move in, so I told him the pages to read to get to the answer. Then I left the place.

I was damn hungry at that time. I called up Riya and told her that she could come online if she wants to talk. I, first reached the canteen to eat something (basically the first 'solid' that I would consume in the whole day). Riya got her code, but it required a C drive and MS Access! Where the hell will I get a C drive in Linux? And what about MS Access. So, we decided to skip running her code, and I just explained her the parts by reading, understanding, explaining. I was quite impressed with the whole code, it was nothing but a new chat application server which had all features required to talk 'securely' over LAN. We could even deploy it in IIIT.

The night was bad, I didn't sleep very well, and had to get up early for the SE class. I have to submit the DIP project report by afternoon, and I haven't begun. Hope my mood swings come under control. Anyways, sorry to all those who were expecting a 'thoughtful' post. Today, no thoughts are coming in my head, I am just kind of blank, and I thought recollecting the past day would help me.

Have a nice day! Ciao. 

Technology

Modern technology keeps bringing newer innovations each day. With the great amount of weapons of mass destruction, it makes our lives less secure each day. For this, science has been condemned since long, and has been seen as evil and destructive.

Humans have a tendency to look at the darker side more. They see a small black spot more than the rest of the clean white paper. It is then that technology shows us how it made things possible, made them easy to do, made it safer, faster, efficient, accurate and what not.

Yesterday, Bhanu wanted to have an eye test. In my memory was the painful eye drops to dilate the pupil so that the person can get a clear view of the internals of the eye. Generally this liquid which is poured causes a lot of pain, and with the dilated pupil, the person cannot open his/her eyes, because of the immense amount of light entering the eye. (Pupil is basically the opening in the black part of your eye through which light enters and strikes the eye lens to form an image on the retina)

With this greatly risky situation, it is generally not advised to trust anyone with all this. So, we were looking for a 'trustable' optician. When finally, we went to one of them, it went like this. He just put Bhanu's head between the edges of a small machine. Through that machine, he could see a very enlarged image of her eye. He did some kind of operations on the device, and came with some output. I am really not interested in the output or something, what I am saying is, now there IS a device which 'automatically dilates the pupil' and takes images. The advantage is that we need not pour anything in the eye and the eye gets normal as soon as the test ends. I was happy to see that technology had made a difference in our lives.

Coming back to senses, I was very busy yesterday. I went out at about 4 PM to do shopping for the robotics project, along with the list of items our friends had given us. Bhanu and I went out to actually do the work. She was so tired of all the walking, and we occasionally took auto-rickshaws even when it was unnecessary. Finally on the return, we bought 7 litres of 'whole milk' for Devansh. I don't know how does he manage to drink so much, but man, 7 litres. Actually he had asked for 10!

The night was boring as usual, I fought with Riya too. I guess I just get unnecessarily pissed on her. I don't know what happens to me, what ever she does, I just become angry, spoil the mood and then tell her to leave. I have promised her to be better from now on. Lets see.

Today I have to submit my BTP progress report 3. There is little progress because of the abstract state in which the project is. I'll get ready asap and then ask Jawahar sir to guide me about it. Hopefully he wont get angry that the work done is not up-to the mark. Even I feel it, but then I have other commitments too.

Have a nice day! Ciao.

Bored

Nothing to do and such a bugged up feeling in my head, its one of the worse nights of March. Its like 3 AM now, and I'm still sitting and doing nothing. Literally NOTHING. I was reading a couple of blogs here and there, then shifted to seeing all those forwards in my gmail account which I never cared to even read the subject of. I tried seeing 'Kalyug' for the zillionth time, I tried refreshing my blog stats to see if someone has commented or something, I tried listening to music and what not.

My bed is all covered with clothes, basically all washed and pressed. I am so lazy to pick them up and lie down that am not leaving this chair. The cooler has no water and my fan is also not working. Its not that hot though, but still its not very comfortable. And I am lazy enough to keep living in this state. There is a little headache too, I wish there was someone here who could help me out. Not do my work, but just sit and talk till I do the work, some company is basically what I need.

Why am I not sleeping?  My bed is not empty, remember? Why can't I clean it? I need company, remember? Oops, am in a deadlock. So basically am just whining about everything without doing anything. That ways, I should take inspiration from Dad. He's always so inspiring, especially this fits here so well,

Udhyamen hee sidhyanti karyadee naa manorathe, na hee suptasya sihasya (some words missing) mukhe mrigaha. 

It means, only hard work can accomplish tasks and not day dreams, just like a deer doesn't go into a sleeping lions mouth (without any hard work by the lion).

Wow, am starting to get motivated! No guys, how can I turn you all down? I'll not work, I'll not work, hehe. Okay fine, will do it as soon as am done with this post.

But thats not the end yaar. That will just create a clean setup to sleep. But am not sleepy remember? What to do? I am really tired though but still not sleepy. I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, but there is no one here. No girl, no guy (no gay! :P). Everyone is busy, seems I have to begin working too, remaining empty headed is the problem.

Well, the problem is my project. It has come into a state where I have to stop coding and come up with a new design. And thats what I don't like. Its like create documents and all those formalities. Though the professor must be expecting a lot, but then I am not feeling motivated enough to think and come up with a good design. And when I think about it with less effort, I come up with such a trivial design that I just discard it. I want to go home on 15th April. But, seems this project would not end then.

Even Tanu has her final exams from 15th. And then she'd leave for internships in May. If I don't go in April, one of the things that will happen is that I'd meet her in July or December instead of April, long time na? Hope that I work and finish up work and that Jawahar sir allows me to go home in April for a few days. Actually even I am quite interested in the project and very very very eager to see it work. But I need to meet some friends, Taps, Prerna, Tanu, Ullu in April. Besides its Pinky didi marriage in April and well, I can't miss that anyway! Wow, just completely forgot about her marriage in the midst of all this tension, blogging really helps!

Anyways, hope that tomorrow is a nice day. Its sure to begin with me getting up at 8 AM, rushing to SE class, sleeping there and then coming back. I didn't go for buying Robotics project spare parts, all because of the lazy bum Bhanu ;). Anyways, will leave for shopping at 2 PM sharp, hopefully. Well, its too sunny then, but its okay, I am despo to eat Gokul Chat, lol.

Will clean up my room now, haath mein ek jhaadu hai, ganda sa room hai aur main hoon!
 

Poem: Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

I wrote a poem on 24th March. It wasn't for anyone to read, but then lets see, I'll put it up. Mud says the 'meter' is wrong, I didn't even know whats that. The poem isn't great anyway, and might not even have a consistant meaning. It might not even have a meaning at all. But in any case, here it is. My first poem in 2006.

 

Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon,
Saamne hai ek doobta sooraj,
Ek bhayavah see kaalima jaise sabkuch apne andhkar mein dubone lagi hai,
Mein is dardnaak ant ko rokna chahata hoon, lekin mere bas mein kya hai,
Mein to tat ki ret ke samaan ek nirbal vastu bhar hoon,
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

Kashti mein mera meet hai, mera humdum hai,
Kaalima to sab kuch duba degi, sooraj bhee, ret bhee, kashti bhee,
Main ek mook darshak bhar hee to hoon,
Main apni is bebasee par has bhee to nahi sakta, na ro sakta hoon,
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

Humdum se naraaz hoon main, kyon gaya vo kashti lekar akela,
Maine kab kaha tha ki main uska saath chhod doonga,
Main to bas kuch pal reteele manzar ka maza lene gaya tha,
Kyon usne mera intezaar nahi kiya,
Ab mujhse poochta hai ki meri naraazgee ka karan kya hai,
Yeh meri bebasee hee to narazgee bankar hoton par mandaraa rahee hai,
Mera humdum mera hai, main usey takleef mein nahi dekh sakta,
Par main kaalima ko bhee to nahi rok sakta,
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

Mere humdum ki kashti chalee gayi,
Neele samandar mein ojhal ho gayi,
Main aaj bhee intezaar mein hoon uske,
Kaalima ko guzare to zamana ho gaya, par mera man mere humdum kee raah tak raha hai,
Ek chhoti see bacchi mujhe bula rahee hai,
Lekin main isi aas mein hoon ki kaheen koi kashti mein mera humdum ho,
Shayad jo saamne deekh padhti kashti usey lekar aa rahee hai,
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

So, how bad is it?

 

Edit: Some lines added by Sukesh!

Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur tum ho
kashti mein tera hum dum hai, aur tum bebas ho
kinare par bathna teri bebasi nahin, tera darr hai
yeh raat ki kalima nahin, yeh teri nainon ka mail hai
woh bachi ki awaaz nahin, teri aatma ki pukar hai
andhkar se lad kar apne meet ko roshni dikha
us bhule rahi ko apne paas bula
uth bande yehi teri preeksha hai
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur main hoon.

Some by Paggi..

Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur tum ho
Samne jo suraj hai woh dobne ko laliyat hai
Mein khada dekh raha, ek mook darshak hi to hoon
mera mann ikchuk hai is shad to sametne ka
par mein sagar ke is kinare hoon aur suraj us kinare..
jane kaise honge is mann ke arman purre
Sagar ka kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur tum ho

And then a really cool one by Nidhi..

Sagar Ka Kinara hai, ek kashti hai aur tum ho
Shopping mal hai, hazarun kapre hai aur tum ho
McDonalds ka sahara hai, ek burger hai aur tum ho
Kitchen ka darwaza hai, ek belen hai aur tum ho
Poem likne main jo ustad hai, ek main aur tum ho 

March

In the month of March 2006, a change has come about in me. A lot of things have changed. Say for example, I used to be a very frequent blogger. But now, I hardly write anything. Even this post which I am writing is for the sake of writing it. I mean, in the past when I wrote, I could hear myself speaking it loud to the world. But today, its as if I am just reading a boring chapter uninterestedly in a boring class. What has happened to me? Where have the words gone? The fluency, the ease of writing and going on and on and on. I have about a couple of long posts saved as drafts, not published. Why? Because I feel that if I publish them, people will laugh at me. I just feel that there is a void within me, as if I have lost the capability to write. Its as if my logics and my language don’t go together now, as if my sentence formation has gone bizarre and my vocabulary has no words left!!

Anyways, just for the sake of record, I have been fine all these days. Not doing a lot though, have been working on my BTP. Last saturday, Jawahar sir told me that my project is going too slow and in the wrong direction, and I was completely shattered. Not because I had worked too too hard, but still I respect him, and I feel bad when I am not able to live up to his expectations. On Monday, I met him again and this time he was cooler. He explained me the next few steps and we had some discussion over it. My BTP Viva went great. I had the viva at 2 PM and I began making a PPT for it at 1. I missed lunch, though the viva began only at 3:30.

I learnt how to make a presentation. On saturday, I made a ‘text based presentation’. Huge amounts of text on each page explaining everything in great detail. Jawahar sir told me that it wasn’t a presentation. It was a report converted into a presentation. Just before the viva, I knew exactly what to do, thanks to Jawahar sir and Ashish. On each page, I had a heading, at max 2 lines of text and images on almost every page. I didn’t go too deep in explaining everything, but only the summary. I kept a lot of information to be given verbally rather than writing down everything. I even omitted certain information from being transmitted in any form what so ever. These comprised of the low level details of algorithms, low level details about the problem, the motivation, etc. The lesson I learnt was,

• a presentation should be short and precise
• shouldn’t contain a lot of text
• shouldn’t contain the fine grain detail
• shouldn’t contain the information to be conveyed verbally
• its more important to understand what to omit than to understand what to keep

And with this I now know that failing and rising again is the god’s way of teaching us important lessons in life. If I had been given these 5 points written on a sheet of paper, I wouldn’t have bothered to read them even. But now, I’d never forget them.

These days I am going mad about tv.iiit.ac.in. Its not that its too great a thing, but still I just love it. Its because of the feeling of belonging. Its not a project for me, nor something else, its just done for doings sake (though it might be useful for other researchers in CVIT). All through the day, I have a konsole opened with some php file of that website. I just keep doing modifications to make it better (hopefully). I mean, at least 10 hours per day of my life are being burnt in fuelling tv.iiit.ac.in!

Riya sent me some Java code to read and explain. It was some code related to socket programming in Java. I haven’t done socket programming in Java ever! But after reading the code and understanding each and every line of it, I have a nice idea of how it can be done. Sometimes I think that I should learn Java by explicitly devoting time for it, but I never get any. These small instances keep me in touch with the language and make me learn new things side by side. ( The code isn’t open source, so can’t post it here )

I have been very busy with all the things I explained above and haven’t been able to give time to my friends. I went to Meghna’s birthday party at 1 AM instead of 12, I didn’t get to call up Riya or Tanu in all these days, and the list goes on. Its not that I don’t have time, but it some how gets used up without much productive work. I wish I could do something about it.

I bought a new cooler today, thanks to Harsha who ‘actually’ bought it for me. Its a local brand (Vaishnavi) plastic body cooler of roughly 3-4 feet. It cost me 2000 bucks. With my fan still out of order, a cooler will be a big relief. I would have loved to work in AC of the lab, but then, am lazy enough to remain in my room, more so with my new cooler, yay!!

Rest is all fine, seems like I’ve come back in tune. Or maybe its because my blog is back in the IIIT::Blogroll. Due to some technical faults, my blog didn’t show up in the blogroll since long, thanks to Ranta sir who corrected it today. That will further fuel motivation to write more.

I guess it just takes an initiative to write a post, after that it just flows!

Ciao.

Missing old days.

Sometimes I’m just sitting idle or standing somewhere and something reminds me of something in the old days (the days when I lived in Indore). Its like, as soon as the thought strikes the brain, the whole scene, the sounds start ringing in my head. And then, its turns into loud harsh sounds and very fierce lights all around. Its something like I have lost something, left a complete world behind me. I want to relive it again. Its not like where I am is bad, but its just that being there was a completely different experience, and those days wont ever return.

Woh kagaz ki kashti … woh baarish ka paani …

Anyways, thats just a small tremor in my ruitine life. Like everyone else, I’ve also forgotten the past and moved on. But then, my mental state is exactly like this song by Celine Dion.

. . . . . When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it’s all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it’s all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it’s all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it’s all coming back to me now . . . . .

And I read another little poem about my Indore somewhere on orkut, and here it is. . . .

Aisa hai mera Indore

Kuch khaas hai Indore,
Sabse pahle to mera Apna hai Indore.
Kal tak indore mein sapne dekhta tha,
Ab Sapne mein Dekhta hoon Indore.
Kuch Khaas hai Indore, Mera Apna Hai Indore.
Nit naye rang leta hai Indore, Bhaur se le kar Saanjh kat jaane kitna roop badalta hain Indore.
Khattee meethee yaad dilata Indore, Dosto se bhari Chatpati Duniya me le jaata hai indore.
Suraj ki keerano ka Sunhara Indore, Har pal mujhe Yaad Aaya hai Indore.
Kuch Khaas hai Mera Apna Indore, ab to ek sapna hai Indore….
Hope I get to live there again!

Smoothness returns..

Seems like I was really depressed last time I blogged here. Its getting normal again. Not that all that was not true, but now I don’t pay heed to all those things anymore.

Riyanca, well, what should I say? She’s been okay all these days. I guess all it needs is a little more time. She has her final year and so she should concentrate on studies and all. Internet friendship is okay, I mean, if we do meet in life, I think we’ll get friendly and comfortable with each other much much faster than if we had never talked online. And, I approximate the time to get normal as 2 hours 47 minutes, magical figure, hehe.

Exams are approaching and there is an overload of assignments, along with taking classes of juniors. I’ve been regularly missing PT since the first day, so, I need to tighten up on that front too. Less than a week is left for the First Mid Semester Examination, and I haven’t begun preparing, something like a “fake confidence” in me is stopping me.

Forgot to mention about my article on “Analysing Love“.

This one was too much condemned and looked down upon, but when yesterday RIYANCA appreciated it, it felt so good from within. I can’t say, oh she appreciates my articles so she is my true friend, because true friends give the “correct opinion” and not the “sweet opinion”. Well, she IS my true friend is a different thing, hehe.

Actually nothing is happening around me, so there is really nothing to write about. I sometimes feel as if I blog only when I’m in pain and grief, so finally breaking the trend, I am posting on a normal day. I’ll definitely forget posting when I am really “happy”. Wish me luck for the forthcoming exams.

7 dark days.

Enough of crap, I’ve been making a shield around me which has been covering the “so dump and unstable” me inside and showing an intelligent, stable and friendly version of me to the public. But, it feels as if the “shield” has withered out now, and I am feeling the pain of being exposed to the world.

These 7 days have been bad, really bad and depressing for me. The only good thing happened is that my ear is back to normal now, so I can HEAR things. As each day passes, I get a new shock, a new pain, an unending one.

Ever since the snake has bit Riyanca, she has changed. Now, I know that I am not as important to her, after all “its a virtual world”, as she claims. I can’t go and tell her how I feel, because thats how I am made, I don’t say things. You need to understand them. I don’t think things will get better anytime soon. She’s got a great friend, (which I came to know of a few days ago), Manish, and he really cares for her. So, what am I going to do? I’m going to just leave them, happy together, and dip myself into loneliness. I guess thats right too, because this distance between us is really dampening and extinguishing the flame of friendship between us.

Yesterday was Independence Day, great thing, wow. There was a “blood donation camp” set up in the college. I kept on thinking about to do it or not. Even the girls of “first year” donated blood, and I kept thinking. Why? Just because of the fear of “the needle”? Rest of the conditions for me and the ones who donated were exactly same. Finally Ashish gave the fake consolation that “you could get infected by AIDS here, so better donate when you are at home”, and I accepted it. How bad. This thing is eating me from within all the time.

Then, I wrote something in blog and orkut. And people made me realize that I am not that good in that either. Neither do I know about Love, nor about Politics.

Finally, here I am, sad, alone, in my room, not a good friend, not a good citizen, not knowledgable, not skilled, not intelligent, a loser basically. Oh, what should I do? But alas, I’ll continue living in my “fake image”, hiding all the sadness, the pain.

Its raining…

It has just started to rain heavily, and a cool breeze with some water droplets is making me feel fresh and cool. Its been a nice evening, just 11 PM now, and I plan to sleep early, maybe just after doing my DIP assignment. I missed the Compilers class today, because I was late as usual. From tomorrow I want to attend the morning PT compulsorily.

After dinner when I returned from the canteen, my friends were doing the so called “official ragging”. Most of it was over as it is restricted to 10:30 PM only. And its not bad actually, just some talking and all, though the juniors are scared a hell lot, hehe. Let me see, I’ll also try to do some tomorrow.

Rest is all fine in my life, I mean it is supposed to be so. I started a new blog website just to open my writings for the public, but I plan to post only “articles” unrelated to me in any way in that. Its address is http://unpredictablerulz.blogspot.com

I went to Koti the other day to get some books, and to get gift for Bhanu’s birthday, something like a combined present, we got her a jacket. But, unexpectedly, we returned early and didn’t even have dinner, so I decided to not eat anything in the night.

I got myself a new card, a sim card, Hutch again. Its number is 9885288970. And the first call I made was a missed one to dad. Then to Ravi Shankar. It was because I didn’t remember any other numbers, hehe. I smsed Alvy about my new number, and Tanu came to know through MSN, so she smsed me. Finally today I smsed Riya about my new number and she was like, I thought you blocked me, I am going to someone’s birthday party, see you, bye.

One major change these days is the behavior of tanu. I don’t know if it has come back to normal or am I expecting a little too much, but the fact remains, she is not talking to me or replying to my sms. If I ask her, HOW ARE YOU?, her reply is, WHY DO YOU ASK? This is kind of rude and all, but I thought there is no problem, and we are like before. But like before means what, she talked less then, but then she didn’t reply in such a tone. Something is wrong, or maybe its just her workload. We’ll find out soon.

A fresh start…

New semister, new start, new energy, new courses, new people around, new challenges, new room, new! Everything is going through a changeover here, and its nice, I am happy with the change. The new semister has just begun, or rather will soon begin, and I am looking forward to it.

I arrived Hyderabad on 14th July by train, ANDHRA PRADESH EXPRESS. It had not been long since I went away from college, just about 14 days!

Nothing much happened at home, except that I met my old friends, me, Rahul, Anni, Tapan and Anurag. We spent some time together, talking, playing, eating, roaming and seeing movies.

Rahul has not changed since he went to Russia, he is the same old, even after two years, and so I was happy. Just as soon as he met me, it was like we had met just yesterday. No, we didn’t cry or anything, we are grown up now, hehe. Tapan had an accident so we could not go out a lot, and Anni was busy with his work as usual. Piyush got a little free, and Tanu was like, called up on the last day, when are you leaving, hehe.

It was nice to remain at home for a few more days. This time the feeling was different. This time there was no sadness that the holidays will soon end. Out of the 93 days of holidays, I just stayed about 40 days at home, but still I am content. Most of it is because I was able to meet all my friends and spend time with the family as well.

I didn’t meet Prerna and Vijay bhaiya this time also. I had thought of giving a visit to their place at least once. After all I consider them one among the best friends. I called them up on the last day, that is, on the day I was supposed to leave for Hyderabad. They were so delited to talk to me, and a little angry that I didn’t meet them. What I could sense from their talk was as if they were saying, come on dude, you’ve forgotten us, now just move on, no need to try to do anything. I want to correct all this when I go home next, maybe this December or maybe next year in June.

The new achievement is that I got my CAR AND TWO WHEELER GEARED EXCEEDING 50 CC DRIVING LICENSE finally. The driving test was almost as if it wasn’t there. I drove alone to the RTO and then the person just asked me take out the car and park it back, piece of cake, and then just a digital photo. Will get the CARD in a few days.

Tonight, Tanu was behaving strangely, talking like she never talks, and I feel its like we are not so close friends or something, we are just friends. This is mainly because of her attitude towards me, a little arrogant all the time, and maybe there is some of my fault too. Anyways, I later found out that it was her new friend Chahat who was talking so friendlily, and not Tanu. It doesn’t matter much to me, but it does matter a little bit.

I got the Farewell CDs of my school batch and was seeing them. My old batchmates, some of them I had forgotten, and some of them I wanted to see, some of them I didn’t want to see. I showed the video to a couple of friends.

The video these days going on everywhere is of the song KAJRARE from BNB. Devansh Amit Sumeet Karthik Parag and Me, all are just completely hipnotized by the song. The act of Aish is a little hot and because of her sweetness, its even better. I love the song.

There were some problems in choosing where will I live in the coming time. Most of the people decided to go to the Old Boys Hostel. I was not compulsorily required to go there and later Ravi and Ashish pushed me to stay in the New Boys Hostel. Just then I understood that I can live a little far with Ashish and Ravi, but its difficult to leave people like Amit and Parag, the ones who are all the time around you and make the air lively. So, I chose to go to the OBH. There were minor problems in room allotment. Finally I got 184 OBH. I’ll shift the room as soon as the other person vacates the room.

There are a lot more thoughts flowing in the mind at the moment, but I am half asleep, didn’t sleep all night, so have no strength to carry on, thanks to Chahat and Tanu probably. Everything is new here, and I hope that the new semister will be fruitful.

Oh, I missed writing about the courses I have opted. I talked to professor PJN, and he suggested to take up Digital Image Processing and Pattern Recognition as the elective courses. Later Srikanth backed out of PR because of the heavy workload. I also opted out of PR. But PR is a important course for me, and I am considering to take it up again.

The result of the last semister has been nice, with a SGPA of 8.8 excluding a 4 credit course under professor MB Srinivas, so its expected to go even higher. Ok, ok, I’ll leave now, bye.

All these days

I have been home since about 15 days now. Its been quite nice to be here, all the tensionfree, scheduleless life. Yeah, really, there is no schedule for me here. I can sleep when I want, wake up when I want, etc. etc. Its not like its the best thing to do in the summer, because these days I have hardly done anything. Free time all the time, this is how life is.

Okay, lets write it from the beginning. On 23rd of May 2005, at 4 AM, I was packing for the journey. At the same time, the skies were flooded with lightning and thunderstorms. I was supposed to catch a bus to reach the station. But, it started raining so heavily, I called up an autorickshaw driver to come and pick me up. Ashish helped me pack the remaining stuff, and we left for the main gate. Even Meghna came along. Soon, the auto arrived, and I was off for the journey. I reached the station well before time, and was getting bored.

The journey was fine, too hot though. Most of the time I was sleeping. I reached Bhopal at 10:30 PM. 16 hours of journey is really something. There my brother Chhotu had come to receive me. We went home, and I don’t remember the rest. I slept late that night, and woke up at around 1:30 PM next day. I left for Dewas at around 8:00 PM. Dad was worried and called up on my cell. I didn’t want to pick it up, but couldn’t help. I reached home by 12 AM or something.

I was not so excited to be at home initially, but then slowly, things got better. I couldn’t meet many friends except Piyush aka Ullu. He has exams till 28 June, so can’t disturb him much.

Ohh god, the powercuts, they are terrible. In my college, there are no powercuts, there is a huge backup system in case there are any. Thats in Andhra Pradesh. My home is in Madhya Pradesh, which is a state suffering from power shortage problems. Powercuts here are frequent and unannounced. I was supposed to work on my project while I was at home. But initially, there were so so many powercuts that it was impossible to work, besides, here, the computer is not all that powerful. Slower internet bandwidth make it worse.

The more horrifying thing is the heat. I thought at least home would be cooler than college. But even here the temperatures were touching 45. And powercuts, oh god. The inverter system installed at home was enough to power a few fans for a few hours. It rained twice in these 15 days, making about 4-5 cooler than the rest.

I have been trying to get a fourwheeler vehicle driving license. Its not tough though. The procedure is a bit complicated. I still haven’t practiced riding a bike, so that might give a little problem in the driving test. But, I have a month to practice.

What do I do all day? I have no work. I just go to my cousin Jayant aka Raju dada. He is doing a job at a finance company. Most of the day, he has not so much work, so I sit at his office and talk. In the evenings, we take a two wheeler and move about in the city, in the gardens, etc.

I don’t have a girlfriend these days, and so people think I am looking for one. Yes, I am looking for one. But, its not like I am looking for anyone who is available. I want someone compatible with me, my behavior, my feelings, my qualities. Someone who can make me a better person, and maybe I can improve her too. Oh yes, she should be good looking, hehe. My bro keeps on telling me to go and propose my female friends. I refuse to. Why can’t a boy and a girl just remain friends? I think they can very well remain friends.

Do I love someone? No. I don’t love any girl yet. Its like I have a full picture of hers in my mind and I know that she will come. Seems like some wild dream, but I believe in it.

I have been waiting to talk to friends here. Many of them have exams and all. That day, Ashwin Palshikar called up. He is one nice guy, and well, has really good communication skills. We went for a movie, Nazar, a romantic thriller. And then, suddenly it struck me to meet Mrs. Khar, our chemistry teacher at school. She is one great teacher, so great, so caring, so devoted. We talked to her on various issues, including school, college, results, smoking, etc. Ashwin told her that in our school’s 2003 batch, i.e. my batch, almost all of us have started smoking drinking except Ashwin, Tapan, myself and a countable few.

We left her house in the evening. We went to Ashwin’s place. He had done the interiors of his dad’s office, really nice. Then, we left at around 9:30 PM, after my mom kept on telling me to return. We reached Tapan’s place, where I thought I was too sick to continue a journey back to Dewas. So, I informed mom that I’ll be staying there in the night. The next morning I left for home.

Rahul is arriving from Russia on 28th June and Anirudh aka Anni on 17th. Till then I am not working on projects, not doing anything, just wasting time. I am thinking to join some summer class to learn something useful in this one month. I think most probably it will be a computer course, but I haven’t decided anything yet.

And, I got a new sim card here, because its too costly to receive calls on my Hutch number. Rest is all fine. I’ll end this writeup here. Preparing to take a shower at 1:30 PM… lol.

Confused and angry and sleepy and …

Well, Muddassir sent me a conversation between him and Riya. And I am reading it again and again, and again and again… I have read it more than 30 times now. Anyways, it is making me increasingly angry with myself, I mean, how irresponsibly I have been behaving and hurting people all around me.

Coming to the point, it all started with me saying, get a cell, we’ll talk. Now when she got a cell, she expected me to call her, and I should have. I don’t know what stopped me, and then, hours became days, weeks, months. I have pissed her completely because of the issue.

Its not that I don’t want to talk to her, she is my best friend, so ofcourse I want to. What makes me stop then? I don’t know. She asks me, what is it? I told her that I can’t speak english. Its just an excuse. I am in complete dilemma.

I tell Mud that I want to call her, and he conveys that. I have her number, but I cannot dial it. Why? Because she has asked not to. This is also an excuse. I can dial it anytime I want to, I don’t listen to anyone anyways, why will I listen to her order that I can’t call her. But still, I don’t dial. I cannot explain all this, maybe I fear that I will lose her, or maybe I think I am not presentable enough, but then, for a best friend, you don’t need to present yourself, you just talk casually right?

Ohh, tell you what, when I am gonna reach home, I will talk to Tapan for like 3-5 hours per day on phone and spend something like 6 hours in person, hehe. Then, whats the difference? Mud, Taps, Anni, Rahul, Ullu and Riya.. my best friends… why are they not equal? That reminds me to call Ullu.

Anyways, I talked to Tanu today, actually just caught her online, not a long talk, just hi.. long time no see,. how are you…. i am fine.. gimme your new cell no… i’ll wait for your msg… kinda talk. Maybe less than 3 mins. Also, Kaustubh Barua met me online, quite happy he is, but seems that he also lacks company like me. He was desperate to talk, but I was not much interested.

I saw the movie “Lucky” today. Actually, I wanted to see “Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani”, but the VCD wasn’t available, neither its there on the network. The movie is nice, I liked the heroine, her name is Sneha Ullal, really cute looks, and what a sweet voice she’s got. She doesn’t know acting at all.. hehe. The movie was not very good in the “storyline” aspect, but the camera work and direction was good.

Ohh, and I keep mentioning MY BEST FRIENDS as those 5. Its not just them. Now, I have new friends here in college, my BC group. They are a part of me now. We’ve been living together since 2 years now, so no one should think that they are less important to me, they are so caring, so loving, so funny, its great to be with them. Actually one can’t compare whether those friends were good or these are? All have some place in my heart.

What else? Oooo, the CVIT project has finally begun. We got the cams, and were playing with it, taking some pics, oops, the pics are kinda censored, so can’t put them up. Will take some other pics tomorrow morning, and put them up. Anyways, I have so much work left, in the CVIT project thing, I have to do my part tonight, because Freaky will be on my head tomorrow morning at 9. Its already 4:30. I am also working on the Blog server, and today I am thinking to add albums and all. But, its kinda getting too too complicated. Still I am moving on.

What? I don’t sleep? Don’t ask me that, I am not human. I work till 8. Freaky will come at 9 and we’ll work all day, then, it will be evening, and I’ll work again. Vicious circle. My diet has been getting bad too. No breakfast, no lunch and A SANDWICH and A COKE at dinner. Now tell me how will I survive? Everything is my fault, so can’t even blame anyone.

I have decided to keep a low profile in the college and over the internet. Not logon too much, keep my cell off, not meet people much, just concentrate on work now. Thats how I can live without getting hurt. I believe that the problems are mine, the sorrows and all. So, no one else will come to correct them, I don’t want to tell all this to anyone. So, I am writing in this blog. I don’t want anyone to read. If someone does, eh, what can I say, don’t come and sympathize or show anger or any other emotion. Its my life, and I know what to do with it.

Feeling better

Well, Rahul didn’t get his first call in the morning. Why? My wish. Its been a year or two, so another day won’t matter. I’ve been talking with Mud, trying to solve this little problem with me. Ohh, ya right, I don’t even mention what problem I have, why? Perhaps I guess this blog is not SECURE enough. hehe.

Anyways, I always thought my best friends knew that they are my best friends. I don’t need to be explicit about it, or should I be? Now that its been two long years of separation from home, my friends, and what not, I guess I have learnt how to live without them. Ohh gosh, not again, come on, this is not first year that you are feeling home sick or anything. I guess I am mentioning all this once again because I think I have some responsibility for my dear ones.

My friend, Arun says, obviously you are not a part of their daily ruitine now, so you are kind of secondary. Ohh, even the thought of it makes me shiver, they were never secondary to me, why am I? Or do they feel the same way as I do? This dilemma is going to accompany me all life. I KNOW I won’t be able to live AT HOME ever. Why? Be practical man, you’re a software engineer, you have to be in a place where there is business, demand, work. My hometown has no business, no demand, no work.

I sometimes think of my parents, they brought me in this world, taught me how to speak, walk, talk, eat, etc, etc, etc. But am I a part of their life now. NO. I am just someone whom they care about, and who visits them once every six months. I don’t know how to digest this fact.

Ohh, I’ve been reading someone’s blog lately. Sad girl, thats what I came to know. Comparison —> Competetion… well, comparing her and me, my sorrow is far behind in competetion with hers. But the way she lives, so determined, dedicated, trying to pull herself up from all the pain and depression, fills me with all the more energy to work and forget the pain.

Anyways, I guess, I can’t write more. Its 7:24 AM here. I’ve been up all night. Neeraj left for his relatives place, we were there to see him off on the college main gate, Ashish, Meghna and myself. Ohh, and did I mention all the fun we had all day shopping clothes and toys for his little niece he is going to meet? Well, we also gave some presents from our side, hehe. Ohh, and I visited Hyderabad Central for the first time, hehe, Devansh keeps on pressing to go there, and everyone ignores it. Well, I’ve been ignoring him all day without reason, lets see, we’ll go out for dinner tomorrow.

Okay, I can’t hold any longer. Good Night!

Are you my friend?

Friend? What does this term mean? Whom do you generally consider a friend? Is it the one whom you talk to…live with? share joys sorrows? How much materialistic things matter in friendship? Okay, let me explore some of the answers.

For me, a friend is someone whom I care about, wish that he/she is always happy, whether or not my friend remembers me… I always remember. A person generally makes friends at the work place, or classroom.. and nowadays over the internet. I meet so many people in life everyday. Some meet in person, some call me, some send letters, emails, some I see on television, some I meet over the internet. Does it mean all are my friends? Do I care about them equally?

Sometimes I think about degrees of friendship. This is how I think, this is just my way, patented. I consider two people, and think of a very very bad thing happening to them, say a damage in one of the eye, horrible right? Now, I try to compare, how much would it make me sad if it were to happen to those two people? And generally there is one which I care about more, and so I get hurt more, or even can't imagine such a thing to happen to them. Does that mean I can compare friendship on this basis?

Then, I think, what the hell. The person most in contact, the most I talk to is my best friend. Is it really true? Even if I keep talking to someone all day, how does that affect our relation? We can make two fake ids, I pretend to be a girl and she can be a guy, and we can talk anything romantic all day. Does it make us lovers? Don't we certainly know that nothing is going to come out of it, but still keep talking. Does it represent friendship either? That can be done over the phone also. Or even in person. There are so many such incidents. I saw a movie on that, don't remember the name though.

And by the way, I can seldom talk to m